🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more. Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you could encounter someone offering a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.