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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's repeatedly caught off guard in relationships. Her spouse left her, and it was a massive blow. A lot of her social circle drifted away during that time, as they were only interested in her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have realised better what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she was very skilled at her work, she departed not understanding why things shifted.

Present Situation

In recent times, both of us left the workforce so we're spending each other more, yet I realize the part I play between us feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation but she shifts the talk toward her own topics. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She has been planning a trip abroad I've visited on several occasions and lived in for some time. I tried to provide advice, but this was met with resistance. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her choices. I have returned from four weeks in that place she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, yet I doubt she'll truly understand the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, but it is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for working things out takes courage and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell her how it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. Your feelings belong to you, naturally. The third step is to question how the two of you going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss your concerns, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they're unable to release because their very survival depends upon it and it's all they trust. It's tough when there seems no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out defensively before reflecting on your words. If you don't achieve a resolution, it provides closure that you've been open and direct.