Those Words shared by A Dad Which Helped Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You require some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger inability to talk amongst men, who often hold onto harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a break - spending a few days overseas, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."